


You Promised

by Negovanstein



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Canon Lesbian Relationship, F/F, Lesbian Character, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-31 02:29:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21438715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Negovanstein/pseuds/Negovanstein
Summary: Please visit our merch store!http://tee.pub/lic/KkQfNWGSbfU
Relationships: Carmilla & Laura (Carmilla), Carmilla/Laura (Carmilla), Laura Hollis & Carmilla Karnstein, Laura Hollis/Carmilla Karnstein
Kudos: 43





	You Promised

**Author's Note:**

> Please visit our merch store!  
http://tee.pub/lic/KkQfNWGSbfU

"One day you're not going to walk out of this hospital." Laura stared out at the town beyond the white room and beeping machines connected to the pale, weak body of her wife. "I don't know how I could deal with that."  
Laura knew Carmilla was a rebel. She always had been. But, no matter how many times Carmilla got hurt, she always survived. Laura hated it, but it never stopped. Carmilla just couldn't stop.  
They got married the year they graduated college. That was a year ago. If all she got in this marriage was a year, that would surely be cruelty. A year wouldn't be enough.  
"I will always come back to you." Carmilla managed to chuckle, brushing a bandaged hand against Laura's forehead. "Trust me, Cupcake."  
A year wasn't enough...and Carmilla didn't come back this time.  
Damn Carmilla and that stupid motorcycle. Damn her not caring how much her recklessness scared Laura. Damn her for leaving Laura here alone.  
A coma.  
A ride down the street to the nearest grocery store on her motorcycle without a helmet, driving 30 over the legal limit, no jacket, all of that was worth this? A coma?  
She didn't think about hazards. Not about people. Not about herself. It only made it worse when Laura waited for 2 hours and Carmilla didn't come home. It definitely didn't help when she got the phone call and 2 cops at their door with Carmilla's cell phone in their hands, cracked and splattered with blood with their wedding photo blinking in and out until the phone finally died in Laura's hands.  
Three months in and she's still alone. She goes to work, goes to check on her wife, and goes home where she passes out on the couch because...because she can't stand to move any further. If she makes it to their bedroom, she sleeps with one of Carmilla's shirts and her black jacket...on the couch...because that room...has mainly been left untouched. Everything still looks the same. Just, no Carmilla.  
Today, she goes to the hospital, sits in her chair next to her sleeping bride, and reads a book of poetry. It's one of Carmilla's favorites: The Collected Poems of Oscar Wilde. She sits there and listens to the rhythm of the machines letting her know that her wife was still fighting, the woman who made her the happiest she'd ever been. Ignoring the pain in the pit of her stomach about why they are here in the first place, Laura just read aloud in hopes Carmilla could hear:  
"To drift with every passion 'til my soul  
Is a stringed lute on which all winds can play,  
Is it for this that I have given away  
Mine ancient wisdom, and austere control?  
Me thinks my life is a twice-written scroll  
Scrawled over on some boyish holiday  
With idle songs for pipe and virelay,  
Which do but mar the secret of the whole.  
Surely there was a time I might have trad  
The sunlit height, and from life's dissonance  
Struck one clear chord to reach the ears of God:  
Is that time dead? Lo! With a little rod  
I did but touch the honey of romance—  
And must I lose a soul's inheritance?"  
Aside from the monitors, the room fell quiet as Laura looked at the blank face of Carmilla lying in her hospital bed. She looked like she was asleep. They could've been here for anything less severe. She could've just gotten tested for sleep apnea. The bandage on her head erased that wish. The fading scars on her arm only more evidence that this was real.  
"I wish you could wake up and tell me what this poem means. Instead you're fighting just to open your eyes...instead of fighting with me about this damned poem." Laura choked, tears spilling onto her hands as she touched Carmilla's face.  
"Mrs. Karnstein..." The doctor walked in, smiling from ear to ear. Dr. Lafontaine had been taking care of Carmilla ever since her first accident. They always kept her as a priority whenever an ER was needed, for Laura's sake. Never had things gotten this bad. Never even close to a coma. Dr. Lafontaine took on Carmilla's chart the second they heard her name. Their presence made Laura feel so much better leaving Carmilla there. She trusted them.  
"Lafontaine. How are you?" Laura wiped the tears from her eyes and put her focus on them. She grabbed Carmilla's hand and squeezed instinctively, praying for good news.  
"I'm well, thank you. Perry and the pups send their well wishes." The doctor smiled as they flipped through the chart.  
"And, how is she?" Laura turned her gaze back to her wife. "Anything change much from yesterday?"  
Lafontaine stopped flipping through the pages, giving Laura a grim look that made her blood run cold. She tightened her grip on Carmilla's hand, scared to death that the next thing Dr. Lafontaine said would snatch her away.  
"She woke up last night after you left. One of the nurses came in to check on her with me and she opened her eyes. It didn't last long. Maybe 10 seconds. I would've called, but another patient was coding; so, I told the nurse to call you. I'm guessing she forgot." Lafontaine frowned, obviously disappointed in her nurse. "Saved my patient, at least. You'd be happy about that."  
Laura didn't have time to be angry that she wasn't notified sooner- though she'd definitely be asking for improvement in that area later. Carmilla opened her eyes! For 10 seconds her wife looked out into the world again. Her heart leaped at the news.  
"What does that mean? She's going to be okay now, right?" She took a breath of relief.  
Lafontaine sighed deeply, placing the chart under their arm and clasping their hands together. "It could mean that she would be."  
"Oh, my goodness..."  
"Frosh?"  
"Yes, Laf?"  
"Do you remember what exactly is wrong with her?" They took half a step forward.  
Laura deflated. "Severe brain damage. Damaged back tissue. Minor to mild scrapes and bruises. She was lucky there..."  
"And?"  
"And it is quite possible that she won't be able to talk or walk again if she wakes up..."  
"Yes. And the possibility of her waking up?" Lafontaine urged Laura to continue.  
"Are slim to none given the amount of brain damage. The possibility of her waking up with no complications is rare. In your honest opinion, you don't think she will walk away the way she was...if she wakes." She began to cry silently again.  
She knew that Lafontaine wasn't pushing her to cause any pain. They knew she knew the risks. They just made her say it when needed to ensure that she was still being realistic. They didn't want her to get too excited...just in case. There wasn't much room for hope.  
"Hope is a very strong thing, Frosh. You have a lot of it. Courage, too. I just want you to remember that, even with something as miraculous as Carmilla opening her eyes, it is very likely that she won't come back. I really hope that doesn't happen. She is one of my favorite patients. So much attitude. But, if she...goes, if this machine becomes the only thing keeping her body going, I have to pull the plug." They gave Laura's shoulder a gentle squeeze before leaving her to be with her wife.  
A part of Laura wishes there were something she could do if Carmilla crashed; but, Carmilla signed a DNR the second she'd made it to the hospital. She was conscious until she'd made it to surgery. By the time Laura was called and had arrived with the police, it was too late. Carmilla was gone, in a coma for over an hour.  
Dr. Lafontaine's words rang like bells in her head. But, if she goes, if this machine is the only thing keeping her body going, I have to pull the plug.  
Laura pressed her lips to Carmilla's hand, nuzzling her face against it. "You told me to trust you, Carm. You told me you'd always come back to me."  
She stood as the final minutes of visitation were coming to an end. Her tears had yet to dry. Her head hurt with tension, pain, exhaustion. Lowering herself, she placed a kiss on Carmilla's forehead, breathing in the scent of her hair. It was in terrible need of a wash, the bandage surrounding it was fresh thankfully, but altered the scent. It was still her Carm, just not at full. Maybe never again.  
"Please don't leave me." She whispered. "I love you."  
............  
The ride home was fairly solemn, as they were every night now. She just played Spotify and took the long way home to clear her head. She would sing along to some of her favorites, even though most of them were more emotional than she probably needed in the moment.  
"The world revives-  
Colors renew-  
But I know blue, only blue, lonely blue, within me blue  
Without you  
Without you  
The hand gropes  
The ear hears  
The pulse beats

Without you  
The eyes gaze  
The legs walk  
The lungs breathe  
The mind churns! (The mind churns!)  
The heart yearns! (The heart yearns!)  
The tears dry  
Without you  
Life goes on  
But I'm gone  
Cause I die  
Without you"

Pulling into the driveway of her home, Laura took a deep breath, staring at the home she and Carmilla shared. Remembering the day they could finally move in. Their boxes were sitting in the U-Haul they rented. Everything was just beginning for them.  
**********  
1 Year Ago  
"Well, Cupcake, this is us." Carmilla beamed at her through her dark sunglasses.  
They were standing on their front lawn admiring the 2-story home they'd spent months getting customized and prepped for their arrival. Laura could hardly wait to go inside. They still had boxes to open, things to place, and rooms to decorate; but nothing could've excited her more than that. Spending the first 2 months of their marriage sharing a dorm room was hardly ideal, but they were together. It all led up to this moment right here.  
"Let's go inside! Good Godric's Hollow! I can hardly stand it!" Laura made a dash for the front door.  
Out of nowhere, she felt her legs fly from underneath her. The air whooshed past her as she became airborne. A squeal escaped her lips as she reached for the ground. A deep chuckle against her chest made her realize what had happened. Carmilla was carrying her bridal style to the front door.  
"Carmilla Karnstein, you put me down!" She giggled, wrapping her arms around her wife's neck instinctively.  
"What? Cupcake, you know I'm nothing if not traditional. What's more traditional than carrying my wife over the threshold of our home?" Carmilla grinned as she gently pushed her foot against the door, opened it, and stepped right through. "See? Was that so bad?"  
"Yeah, yeah. Now put me down." Laura wiggled until her feet were placed back on the ground. Cackling, she shoved Carmilla back a few feet and charged up the stairs.  
"Oh, now you're gonna get it!" Carmilla tore after her, tossing her shades to the side.  
Laura giggled as she made it to the master bedroom. It was so beautiful. The bed was clearly the main attraction, huge and confident in its place in the large empty space. She found herself from admiring her new bedroom to standing in her bathroom. The shower space was separate from the bathtub. The tile on the sink and in the shower is a beautiful Carrara porcelain. The shower was oil-rubbed bronze oak leaf. Carmilla had requested a rainfall shower system as well for those "special days". The mirror was a perfect length for Laura's morning routine and Carmilla's constant need to watch herself in the mirror. That woman spent so much time in the mirror when she got dressed that one would think she got separation anxiety every time they left home, like she'd spent years without it in a past life.  
Laura had forgotten she was alone in the house until she felt arms snake around her waist and hold her tight. Oh, that's right, she was running from Carmilla. How'd she miss that?  
"I was tempted to bound in here after you, but your fascination and wonder is simply too precious to watch. You are captivating, Cupcake." Carmilla nuzzled her face into Laura's neck, placing a kiss against her skin. "And you're mine. And this is ours."  
......  
It was a long day of moving furniture- as in, they spent hours getting their mattress into the house and up the stairs. Now, they were preparing to go to bed before beginning a fresh day of moving. Carmilla was already sitting on the freshly made bed dressed in purple and black wear. Laura was in the bathroom finishing moisturizing her arms. Once she was done, she flopped down next to Carmilla, face-up, hair splaying around her face.  
"Bleh." She grumped.  
"Well, that's angelic." Carmilla chuckled, sarcasm evident.  
"You're angelic." Laura rolled her eyes.  
"Thank you." Carmilla bent down, pressing her lips against Laura's before rolling over on top of her, wrapping her arms underneath her, and rolling them over onto the pillows. "Time for bed."  
"Sweet. I am exhausted." Laura yawned.  
"Agreed. Tomorrow is going to be hell." Carmilla intertwined their hands together as Laura used her free hand to turn off the bedside lamp.  
"But, worth it." Laura grinned, shuffling back further into Carmilla.  
"You're worth it." She heard in the darkness.  
***************  
Tonight, she noticed something as she entered her home. She didn't just throw down her keys and sulk into the living room and curl up on her couch. She didn't cuddle up to her wife's jacket or pretend one of the throw pillows was Carmilla. No. She found herself walking upstairs to her bedroom.  
Nothing had changed. The blankets were still peeled back on Laura's side to be entered. A pair of boy shorts lay on Carmilla's side of the bed. The drawer full of pullovers was still cracked open. One of her shoes was still peaking from underneath the bed.  
Slowly, Laura went into her bathroom and moisturized her body, just as she had when Carmilla was home. She stared at her reflection in the mirror, the sunken eyes from uncomfortably sleeping on the couch for 3 months. She didn't like the way she looked or felt in this moment as she undressed and changed into the pajamas she'd let sit idle all this time. How was this so scary for her? This used to be a natural thing, a 2nd nature. Now it felt unknown. If only Carmilla were home to sneak up behind her, wrap her arms around her, and kiss he forehead. Oh, how Laura missed those moments.  
Getting into bed had to be the hardest part of it all. Plugging her phone behind the bedside table and praying to whatever God would listen for Carmilla's recovery weren't activities long enough to distract her.  
As she pulled back the covers and positioned herself on her chosen side of the bed, Laura wished more than anything that she wasn't doing this alone, that Carmilla was right next to her. But all that lay there was her purple pillow that used to be cascaded with black curly hair. Sighing, Laura grabbed her phone and played a video she'd recorded of her wife. She needed to hear her voice. This video was of Carmilla playing Guitar Hero Live for the first time:  
"Shit! I missed that one! Ah! N-! Don't! Fucking hell!"  
Laura was standing behind Carmilla's frame sitting on the living room floor just strumming away as fast as she could. The TV screen showed her mistakes and made the 'you screwed it' sound. Laura laughed, walking around so Carmilla could see her.  
"Laura...got dammit, are you filming me?" Carmilla glanced away from the screen long enough to flash a humored grin in Laura's direction. "Shit! I missed again!"  
"Technically, no. There's no film here; so, I'm recording you."  
"You're an ass." Carmilla bit her tongue, focusing on the signals on the screen.  
"I'm your ass, though." Laura snickered.  
"That's right!" Carmilla shouted triumphantly before throwing the guitar strap over her shoulder and tossing the guitar to the floor beside her. I didn't beat my high score! You made me lose!"  
"What? I didn't do anything!"  
"You did!"  
"What'd I do?"  
"You come in here all beautiful and distracting me with your presence!"  
Laura scoffed behind the camera. "Uh-huh. Likely. Why don't you just admit that you sucked, hm? The quicker you admit defeat, the better life will be, ya loser."  
Carmilla's eyebrows cocked up as she began to crawl to her feet with a sneaky grin. "Oh, you're dead."  
A low growl in the back of her throat, she remained in that crouching position before pouncing after Laura, wrapping her arms around the squealing girl and tackling her into the couch. The camera turned to reveal Carmilla peppering a giggling Laura with kisses all over her face.  
"I-love-you-so-much!"  
"Ha! I... love you, too!" Laura cackled.  
"Mmm. Prove it." Carmilla put her hand against the camera lens, making the screen go black before the video stopped.  
Smiling softly at the memory, Laura sat her phone on the table and rolled over. Her fingers clasped Carmilla's pillow and pulled it close to her chest. Breathing in deeply, she took in her wife's scent as her eyes began to droop closed. She fell asleep seconds later, enraptured in everything Carmilla.  
..........  
"Laura?"  
She winced as she stretched her legs and sat up in bed, dreading another day at work. She loved her job, but it was exhausting to be so friendly when she was in so much pain. But she noticed it was still dark outside.  
A voice spoke from the foot of the bed. "It's about time."  
Laura nearly fell off the bed once she saw who was standing before her. Carmilla was there. She didn't look hurt or bloody or in pain. She looked okay.  
"You're supposed to be in the hospital. What are you doing here?" Laura crawled towards her, reaching out.  
"Don't worry, cutie. I'm okay. Trust me. You're not awake. I'm just a form. You can't touch me...But, I'm here." Carmilla's eyes were sad, but her lips turned up into a smile. "I miss you."  
"How is this possible?" Laura frowned, wondering how this could be a dream. Carmilla looked so real. This felt so real.  
"I've been trying to get to you for a while. I could never reach you. This was the last place we were together. The strongest energy. You were never here-"  
"I couldn't. I-"  
"I know." Carmilla shook her head, understanding. "I wish I could say the same, but...coma and all that. I look surprisingly hot in a hospital gown if you haven't noticed."  
She was hoping to get a smile out of her girl. Not even in a dream could Laura be distracted so easily from something like this. She was so headstrong.  
"...Why'd you do it? You know how much it scares me when you aren't careful." Laura played with her fingers.  
"I have no answer for you, Laura. I was stupid. I should've known better." Carmilla frowned. "I should've listened to you. That's all I can say. Dream State."  
It was almost too real. Laura nearly started to believe she wasn't dreaming.  
"You're asleep, Laura. This won't last much longer. I just needed you to know that I'm okay." Carmilla took a step around the bed. "I should go."  
"No! You promised you'd always come back to me! You can't go!" Laura nearly pounced before she remembered Carmilla couldn't be touched. It broke her heart that there was absolutely nothing she could do to keep her from going. She was helpless. Again.  
"I will. I promise. I will always come back to you." Carmilla's voice was right next to her ear. "Wake up, Laura."  
Her cell phone was ringing out of control on the bedside table. Bill Nye the Science Guy. It was Dr. Lafontaine. Grogginess subsided as she quickly answered.  
"You need to get to the hospital right now!" They didn't even wait for the rush of questions they know Laura would throw out.  
"What's going on? Is she okay?" Laura scrambled to grab a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. The closest thing she could grab was Carmilla's PVRIS tank.  
"Something happened."  
"Wha-"  
"Hurry, Laura!" They hung up. Laura tore down the stairs and out to her car.  
.............  
"Ugh. Stupid, broken elevator!" Laura mashed the button ten more times in repetition.  
She had been standing there waiting for the elevator from the second she'd run into the building. It had only been a solid three minutes; but, three minutes can feel like torture when face with a faulty elevator. It was damn near cruelty when said elevator was keeping her from reaching her wife on the 15th floor. Her foot tapped impatiently as she watched the elevator's continuous fluctuation from the 23rd floor to the 8th.  
"Come on! Pick a different floor at least!" She groaned, kicking her foot against elevator door. The light indicating the location of the elevator shifted from 8 to 7. "Screw it."  
"I hope yoga and krav maga have prepared me for this."  
Taking a big breath of air, she took off for the stairs. Each set was harder for her to keep up. Her lungs felt like they were going to collapse. Her legs were turning into noodles. Finally, she just had to slow down. She didn't even know how many sets of stairs she had run at this point. Finding a door around the corner let her know that she was on the 10th. She had to high five herself for getting that far without falling out. Now if only she could get through the last 5 without dying. All Laura knew was she was getting to the 15th floor if it killed her. She'd kill Carmilla for it later. Bracing herself, she tore off again.  
Her body wanted to stop, just for a second. If she could just have mercy for 5 minutes! But Laura's determination, stubbornness, and will power were far too superior. She had to get to Carmilla. Too many possibilities were too close to possibilities for Laura to miss any opportunity given to stop them. There was no way in Hell or Hogwarts she was going to let Carmilla go through whatever this was alone. She couldn't stop. Wouldn't stop.  
Not until she burst through the door of the 15th floor and ran into another person, making them drop everything, apologizing profusely.  
"Way to make an entrance, Frosh." Dr. Lafontaine pulled the paperwork out of Laura's hands. "Why are you so sweaty? How'd you get here so fast?"  
Laura glowered up at them. "I flew. What do you think? Dumb elevator wouldn't-. I took the stairs. I have to-. Need to-. Carmilla!"  
"Yes. Quickly." Lafontaine motioned Laura in the direction of Carmilla's room.  
"Laf." Laura grabbed their hand from where she was crouching, either out of support from falling or genuine concern, she wasn't sure now. "How bad is it? Is she going to be okay?"  
"Um..."  
Laura didn't wait for an answer. What she got put ice in her veins. Her hands pushed against the ground as if she was at a track meet and she was on her feet and off again. Dr. Lafontaine was right behind her, begging Laura to slow down.  
Finally, where she needed to be, Laura slammed into the door of Carmilla's room and, for the first time in the past however many minutes she'd just spent pushing her body to the limit, Laura stood stock still.  
"Cup...cake? Where have you been?" Carmilla's eyes lit up as she saw her favorite person standing there. Her wife.  
Laura dropped to her knees in shock, silent tears forming in her eyes. Her tired body was forgotten. The broken elevator. The panicked drive here. The ascent of hell up the stairs. All of that was gone. All she could register was Carmilla was talking to her. She was looking at her. She was awake. Alive. And they couldn't take their eyes off one another.  
Dr. Lafontaine trampled into the room, gasping for breath. "She...Carm-. She's...You get it."  
Neither heard a word the doctor said. They barely registered that the doctor was in the room.  
"You're alive?" Laura cried. She had to be sure this wasn't another dream. That this was reality and not some physically demanding nightmare. Her hands were too shaky to pinch herself to be sure.  
"I promised you, didn't I?" Carmilla chuckled softly.  
Laura took a big sigh of relief, accompanied by a strangled cry. "You're alive. Hagrid's Hippogriff, you're alive..."  
"Come here, baby." Carmilla held her arms open for Laura, who bolted into them. It felt like coming home, like breathing clean air. And it was real. It wasn't just in her head. It wasn't a painful memory. Carmilla's arms were wrapped around her as tightly as Carmilla could manage right now. Her lips pressed into Laura's hair as she breathed in her scent. "Gods, I missed you."  
"I missed you too. So much. I could barely eat. There's a half-eaten package of cookies in the cabinet right now!" Laura nuzzled into Carmilla's chest.  
"Well, that's just criminal, Cupcake. We have to fix that." Carmilla hid her tears as she just held Laura close.  
Out of nowhere, Laura shot up. "Oh, my gosh! Am I hurting you?"  
"No... slightly. But, it's a good pain. Get back down here." Carmilla tugged her wife back against her. "I'm not done missing you yet."  
"I dreamed of you before they called me."  
"And I, you. You were the first thing I saw in a long time of darkness. Like I was trapped in a coffin and you set me free. You just lying in our bed, holding my pillow...I talked to you. I finally heard you." Carmilla pulled Laura's face up to look at her, fresh tears in her eyes. "Baby girl, I am so sorry. I was an idiot. My ego got in the way of my attention and I was reckless. I will never do this to you again, honey. I promise. Laura, I am so-"  
Laura pressed her lips against Carmilla's, silencing her for a second. "I'm sorry, but, please, shut up."  
"Noted." Carmilla grinned, pulling them back together again.  
"Um...she's alive? With no complications..." Dr. Lafontaine cleared their throat, shrugging and exiting once they realized nobody was listening.  
Carmilla stopped to catch her breath. Laura didn't care if she never breathed again. She just wanted to stay here in this moment for as long as she could.  
"Never going to get enough of you, Cupcake." Carmilla sighed, tracing the ring on her wife's finger.  
"Then don't." Laura placed a hand on Carmilla's chest, relishing in the racing of her heart.  
"I wouldn't dream of it." Another promise. "I love you."  
"I love you."  
They stayed engulfed in one another until Laura fell asleep at Carmilla's side. Carmilla lay awake a little longer, watching her wife slumber. She wondered if this was how it was for Laura, watching her rest, not knowing what would become of her. Wondering how she could ever go through life without that other half. Never would she have to feel that way again. She ignored the burning in her side as she turned and pulled Laura flush against her front, drifting back to sleep.  
"I can write no stately poem  
As a prelude to my lay;  
From a poet to a poem  
I would dare to say.  
For if of these fallen petals  
One to you seem fair,  
love will waft it till it settles  
On your hair.  
And when wind and winter harden  
All the loveless land,  
It will whisper of the garden,  
You will understand."


End file.
